Good evening dear reader,
The question I am most often asked is How the hell do I get started in the kink/BDSM scene?
How do I meet people? How do I find community? How do I get invited to play parties??
- Relax. Have fun.
First, I urge you to relax. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You’ve got time to enjoy the ride, right? It can be so much fun. & who doesn’t like a little anticipation? - Build your profile
So what are you into? If you know some of your fetishes & sexual interests already you can list them on whatever online social media format you’re using… maybe find sexy / weird/ silly new ones (you may notice some fetishes are jokes or even inside jokes among some friends). If you’re not sure what you’re into or what a fetish even is that’s okay, too. We all have to start somewhere.
A “fetish” is defined as “a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.” for example a fetish for feet or high heels or wearing latex, etc.
Listing your fetishes will help flesh out your profile & may be a good conversation starter for people who are interested in getting to know you better.
Also, please please fill out your profile. You’re a complex beautiful person with something to say. & how else will folx know if they could connect with you? Many people on here find blank profiles sketchy so do yourself a favor & whatever your comfort level of online presence is put up a lil’ something at least. It could be lyrics to a seductive poem or song.
It’s also a good idea to upload some kind of profile photo. I know many people are worried about work or family finding them & whatever your situation is most importantly please BE SAFE. If you don’t feel comfortable uploading a face photo or anything remotely identifying that’s fine. Some people won’t bother talking to you but that’s their prerogative. That said, it’s easy to find a stock photo of some kind that resonate with you or embody what you’d like to represent online. Say you’re into corsets – a nice closeup shot of the lacing would work.
Now that you have a basic profile down you’re ready to socialize! Consider joining groups based on what your interests are & what you’re looking for… Freaky Geeks? Biker babes? Daddy’s girls? The world is your dirty dirty oyster.
3. Go to munches
Aside from using FetLife & other groups as tools to socialize & educate yourself the #1 thing I recommend for becoming a part of the scene is going to MUNCHES. Depending on where you live there could be an active local scene already waiting for you to dive in or just tip a toe!
4. Educate yourself!
Read everything you can in the community groups, message boards, etc. read articles on kink & sex positivity & STIs… read about skills & techniques, aftercare… communication & consent… be the best kinky you you can be!
5. Reputation
There’s no one right (or easy) way to get lots of play partners or sex or invitations to play parties, orgies, etc. But if you’re seen out & about at munches & being active online in the communities people may be more comfortable talking to you. & I cannot stress this enough… your reputation is paramount. Take the time to build your reputation in the community – you will not regret it.
That’s all for now, my friends.
Best,
Ms Kinky Manners
xXx